teen Mom

As a teen Mom I have always not wanted to be your typical teen Mom meaning I have always tried to do things for myself, I lived on my own, I worked, and thankfully I was lucky my Mom was a HUGE help in fact she was my babysitter. I have however given up ALOT. When other people were going to the bar and drinking I was home with my daughter. While other people were parting I was home with my daughter. I wouldn't do it any other way. I love my kids and would do anything for them. However I'm feeling betrayed right now really betrayed.

You see when we were teens we ALWAYS went camping on may long weekend I usually organized it, the year I was expecting i was not invited, in fact it was kept a HUGE secret so that I wouldn't come. That is until I found out by accident and got a last minute invite. Ashton's Dad went I did not. In fact I was friends with all "those" people long before Ashton's Dad was. When I got pregnant most of them turned their backs on me........however most of them are still his friends. Family members are the same way, they won't talk to me but they talk to him. It wasn't just me that had a baby it was both of us.

Now the betrayal has gotten worse, she moved in with him. For 14 years every second weekend she went to his house for the weekend. Since she moved in with him she hasn't spent the weekend with me. Apparently the problem is that I don't spend my time with only her. Huh where am I supposed to leave the other kids??? When I do spend time only with her, she spends her time talking to "his" friends and I sit alone among strangers. But wait it gets worse.

He wants to know if he's listed as her dad on her birth certificate.........ummmmm yup your her Dad.

He wants custody..................... I have other kids......................ummmmm it doesn't hurt less because I have other kids...............I have lost another child...................I am now a baby loss momma and a teen loss momma.....................I don't know what hurts more........................I'm so sad and so alone.........................


I want my babies back............I love them and this isn't fair!!!!!

cancer

Our son Brycen has Petechiae
(Petechiae, also called petechial hemorrhage or rash, are small red spots on the skin caused by broken capillary blood vessels. The blood collects under the tissue and appears as tiny dots (usually the size of a pinpoint).

They can come from coughing, vomiting or minor trauma. They may also develop due to thrombocytopenia (low platelet count) which is the reason someone with leukemia may have them. Some medical treatments, such as radiation and chemotherapy, also cause petechial hemorrhage. )

on his right arm, his left leg, and his right ankle. He was taken in to the hospital. Here's what happened. Friday he showed me his arm and asked me if he had bug bites on his arm. I looked at his arm and yup misquote bites all over his arm. Yesterday in the car I hear him talking to Tony about the bug bites on his arm to which Tony replies man those are not bug bites. At this point I look at his arm and see the Petechiae now we are talking like 30 tiny blood spots not 1 or 2. I start to panic you see a friend found out her son had leukemia after finding Petechiae on her son. I tell Jeff we won't worry about it and take him to his doctor on Monday morning. After a while I text a friend and she suggests calling health links. I'M SCARED!!!! VERY SCARED!!! Every time we have been on the wrong side of the odds it has turned out bad. We sat there for 4 hours sure that he was gonna have cancer. He was tested for leukemia. Thankfully it came back normal. Now we have now idea what is causing the Petechiae, and it means his platelets aren't working normally. Normally when a person's small blood vessels burst ( this is what happened to Brycen) the platelets rush to the area and stop the bleeding. This didn't happen for Brycen. I forgot to ask how long before the spots clear up I was just so relieved that he does not have cancer.

Makes me wonder is this because I was rearended last week?? I didn't even think of that when I was with the Doctor.

Finally God said yes and allowed my child to be okay!!!

an owl in the house

It's been a while since I posted mostly because things with Ashton seemed to be getting worse instead of better. I didn't want to post all the things going wrong so I just didn't post. Anyhow things seem to have taken a turn for the better here's hoping anyway.

In the past few weeks we have done a few things of interest we spent the day at fun mountain water sliding it was TONS of fun. Sadly Ashton did not join us. We went camping with my family, My parents, my sister Kathleen and her hubby Jake, My brother Alfred and his wife Heather and their little guy Owen and of course my family the whole family. Ashton joined us and even though it rained and rained and rained we had fun. My Dad brought a MONSTER trap and the boys ( Jeff, Alfred and Jake) were instructed to string it up. It was a weekend saver. Owen ate everything he could that little guy sure can pack it away!!!

I haven't as of yet announced my most exciting news I'm gonna be an Auntie again. My sister is now 17 weeks pregnant so a new little one will be joining our family sometime in late January ( I personally think it will be sooner so we'll see) I also think it will be a girl!!

this morning we were awoken by a noise form the back entrance way which is across the hall from our bedroom, by the cat chasing an owl. Yup I said owl. here's what happened. through out the night we could hear noises in the house we both thought the cat was getting herself into trouble. Finally at 6 we went to check it out imagine our surprise to find an owl sitting on the dresser in the entrance. We look at each other and Jeff says what will we do now?? i say to him easy we'll get a blanket and throw blanket over it and take it back outside. Oh and by we I mean you. So in goes Jeff he throws the sheet and the owl moves. He comes back to the door now the owl is sitting on top of J'naya's bed it is standing in there up right (she moved into Ashton's room and is using Ashton's bed) so he throws the sheet again an again misses this time the owl flies at him nd he screams at me and ducks. I'm standing on the other side of the closed door. Finally he comes back out of the room and says, I'm gonna open the door and hopefully get it to fly out. This worked the owl landed on the floor he was able to throw the sheet over the bird and drag it outside when he lifted the sheet it flew away. Sadly I didn't take a picture. However Jeff and I work really well together. Especially when we means he ;-)

fabric friday

I've decided to start a new thing called "fabric Friday" it will be an update of the fabric I played with this week so here it is!!


This is a quilt I have started for my Mom the question is do I add the white or not??




Today was the last day of VBS (vacation Bible school) for the kids Brycen attended once but then said he didn't like it so he didn't go back that and the fact that he really hasn't felt well this week. So much so that he did not have his tooth pulled this week. Anyhow we had to bike to drop the kids off and to pick them up well on the way home after dropping the kids off we saw this puddle:


and this is what happened ( sorry it's blurry I REALLY need a new camera)


When I asked him why he was riding through the puddle his reponse was " Mom I had to it was calling my name." How do you argue with that???

Have a great fabric Friday everyone!!

angel momma's

I'm sad to say that the newest member to the angel Momma group is a 15 year old girl. I'm so sad for her, no one should be a part of this group musch less at 15.

Tomorrow is the "big" day the tooth is being pulled I hope it all goes well, I've taken to sleeping upsatirs in Ashton"s room and let me tell you the sleep has been WAY better. I may sleep up there from now on!!!

randomness

Well I feel like my world is slowly falling apart, it has not been a good few weeks. I have discovered a few things, one I comfort eat, Yup lots of ice cream. What can I say at least I don't comfort drink. The comfort eating stops today. I can't keep this up. I feel sad all the time so much so that I have increased my anti depressants. However none of this has really helped my Daughter still won't talk/text/see me and she's still not home. I have been called a b**** by all of my in laws and I didn't do this. Why is it that the person or people responsible for this mess are being comforted and I am being punished? Really I feel like locking myself in the house and NEVER coming out again.

Again I have a family to protect and will do EVERYTHING in my power to do so. DO i regret what I did. Nope I'd do it again. If you choose to be involved in illegal activities then stand up and take the punishment. In fact I don't care who it is if it had been one of my siblings and not an in law I would have done the same thing. This is my daughters life and NOTHING is more important.

So because of everything happening over here, I have been thinking ALOT about pay it forward. You see there are always consciences to our actions be it good or bad. So as I slowly try to put my life back together I wonder what kinds of things have to done to pay it forward? They can be big things or small things but I wonder where are the good things people are doing???

These next few weeks I'm gonna make a bigger effort to pay it forward.

So besides all the drama there have been some other life things going on. Recently the left side of Brycen's face randomly swells. Well it all started one afternoon when he would randomly start yelling my tooth hurts it really really hurts. Now he wasn't feeling well, he was sleepy and running a fever so I figured he was coming down with something, we gave him Tylenol and let him nap all day and even orejeled his mouth to keep him happy. The next day he went to Grandma and Grandpa's for a sleep over and my Mom commented that his face was swollen. I really didn't think much of it after all he is a boy in every sense of the word. Then it would randomly swell and 2 weeks ago he suddenly came to me and told me he had something on his gums. We took him in to see the dentist and the tooth has to be pulled he has an impacted tooth so this weds. he will have it pulled or at least they will try without having to put him to sleep. I hope it works and doesn't hurt to much.

it's pouring again....

I sit here in the dark in a house where everyone is sleeping.....everyone expect me that is. I am now not only missing one child but two. Every day that we are apart my heart breaks a little more. This time I am not separated by death but by space. My oldest beautiful daughter has moved across town in with her Dad. This was a decision made by all her parents (myself, Jeff and her Daddy) all in an effort to keep her safe. You see we found out about somethings that have been happening right under our noses and they are bad. So to keep her safe we made the decision that she should live with her Dad. Now I slowly die as she lives somewhere else. How do I keep it together? I count the days till I see her. Miss her so much.

To top it off I have people who have decided to involve themselves in my life and her life that really have no business being there. Then lie about what they did all in an effort to make me look bad. Not only that but the people who should be helping keep my kids safe have decided to do what they want and put my children in danger. This means that these people can no longer be around my babies I will not let you hurt them. I feel so alone, I have no friends to talk to, I have reached out to few with no response and I hurt so much. I don't know how to get through this.

Even as I slowing hurt to death knowing my baby is sleep across town and I don't know when I'll see her again I know this is the best for her. I will do ANYTHING to keep her safe.

Ashton if you read this I love you so much Know that this is for you not anyone else. I wanted you before you where born, I wanted you when you threw up all over me as an infant. I wanted you when you were a naughty toddler. I wanted yo when you didn't come home on the bus and sent us into a panic in grade school. I wanted you when you told me you hated me as a preteen. And I want you now NOTHING can ever make me hate you I just want you to be safe.