Saturday, July 17, 2010

it's pouring again....

I sit here in the dark in a house where everyone is sleeping.....everyone expect me that is. I am now not only missing one child but two. Every day that we are apart my heart breaks a little more. This time I am not separated by death but by space. My oldest beautiful daughter has moved across town in with her Dad. This was a decision made by all her parents (myself, Jeff and her Daddy) all in an effort to keep her safe. You see we found out about somethings that have been happening right under our noses and they are bad. So to keep her safe we made the decision that she should live with her Dad. Now I slowly die as she lives somewhere else. How do I keep it together? I count the days till I see her. Miss her so much.

To top it off I have people who have decided to involve themselves in my life and her life that really have no business being there. Then lie about what they did all in an effort to make me look bad. Not only that but the people who should be helping keep my kids safe have decided to do what they want and put my children in danger. This means that these people can no longer be around my babies I will not let you hurt them. I feel so alone, I have no friends to talk to, I have reached out to few with no response and I hurt so much. I don't know how to get through this.

Even as I slowing hurt to death knowing my baby is sleep across town and I don't know when I'll see her again I know this is the best for her. I will do ANYTHING to keep her safe.

Ashton if you read this I love you so much Know that this is for you not anyone else. I wanted you before you where born, I wanted you when you threw up all over me as an infant. I wanted you when you were a naughty toddler. I wanted yo when you didn't come home on the bus and sent us into a panic in grade school. I wanted you when you told me you hated me as a preteen. And I want you now NOTHING can ever make me hate you I just want you to be safe.