Saturday, March 31, 2012

I have a problem........

I have a real problem with the "new" way of looking a child birth, yes child birth is a natural thing. Women are built to have babies, but sometimes bad things happen. I am living proof bad things happen. I had not medical intervention twice, the first time everything was fine. I got a beautiful baby girl. the second time my water broke at home, we went to the hospital and there was no heartbeat my beautiful son was stillborn at 39 weeks and 6 days. The next two births were medically induced at 38 weeks, both times babies were beautiful and alive (though one spent almost a week in the N.I.C.U.) my last baby was born at 37 weeks, all the doctor did was strip my membranes and that was enough to scare him out.:-)

Now here is my problem, though some of these births were not induced, i did have an epidural times 5. Were my babies groggy when they were born, nope they were alert, and scored well on their apgar scores (including the one that was later sent to the N.I.C.U) Am I less of a mother then someone who was not inducded? or someone who didn't have an epidural. Nope. I took the precautions I needed to to make sure my children were safe. If my son had been induced at 38 weeks he would be here, he was alive then.

Two of my kids wore cloth diapers, and all my kids were breast feed however breast feeding was not something that worked for me very well. I did all the things to try and build up my milk supply. It simply did not work for me.

Yes I agree natural is best, but shoving it down throats and saying your a "better" parent because of it is just dumb. I would air on the side of caution again if i were to have to make the decisions. I know bad things can happen, I have a 1.5 foot by 2 foot plot in a cemetery that says they can. Ignoring a medical professional is not being a hero it's just plan stupid.

Monday, March 26, 2012

living with depression

To whom it may concern,
I live with depression, allow me to give you some insights on what it is like for me on a daily basis. Getting out of bed is a chore, why because I don't sleep, some nights i sit up all night long, most time because someone said something carelessly unlike most people who can brush it off, I can't once all is quiet in the house that carelessly comment plays over and over and over again in my head. I don't need you to tell me I'm fat, ugly and stupid I'm VERY aware of that fact. I don't need you to tell me it's all my fault I know that already. Even if it's not my fault I think it is and you saying it again, and again is NOT helping You don't need to tell me to see a doctor, I see one one a regular basis, I'm under a doctors care, I have seen a phychatrist I take medicine for my depression. Don't tell me to see a doctor that's the just your way of not taking responsibility for what you have said.
if you say something and it pushes the depressed person over the edge you should feel guilty, it is partially your fault, You need to be careful what you say. There are things you shouldn't say to people. You just don't know how that person is feeling.

I have at points wanted to take my own life, not because i want to but because it hurts so much that ending it all is the only thing that can make it better.
I don't want to feel sad, I don't want to feel like my life is not worth living, I want to be here for my kids, grand kids, siblings. I want to be happy, the sad fact is that most times I don't feel happy. I'm sad 80% of the time. By you adding your two cents and never knowing the real story your are not helping.

I have made some VERY major decisions and I can't handle all this sadness and never knowing the next time there will be an attack, some people just can't be "good" friends and that means I need to distance myself.

Because of all that has happened in the last few years and the dumb things people have said I don't have any close friends, I don't maintain friends, 'm scared everyone will treat me the way some people have been allowed to treat. If I had it my way i would stay in my Jammie's, and i would NEVER leave my apartment. I would never talk to people. I don't want it to be this way. I want to have friends and I want to be happy. Most of all I want people to lay off and leave me alone.

I can't get the hyper link to work so I'm gonna post some links to websites so you all can do research and see that I'm not making this up. This is how people with depression feel....

Friday, March 2, 2012

what a week......

these last two weeks have been VERY long weeks, on Sunday Feb.26, am someone hit a fire hydrant and this caused a major water main break . Resulting in no water for our building and the apartment building right behind us. Now we have 189 suites in our building and a large number of those are seniors. So you can imagine the mass chaos at the small temporary water trailer pared in our driveway. Not only that but when you have people who cannot carry water for them selves, what do you do. You can't just leave them without. Needless to say myself, and my family carried alot of water on Sunday and Monday. The city however worked out a really good system to insure we had water supply always available. In fact most of the time we had two trailers with water, and the crew was pretty much working round the clock to fix the leak. The problem, every time they fixed a leak a new leak surfaced. This place looked like a war zone. all said and done we got our water back on at 10:30 pm on Feb. 28 that was three very long days without water. so we're humming along using our water trying to forget the trauma of having no water, when we realize the hole they dug ( and never filled completely) is again filling with water and we know this is a bad sign. Whamo Sunday am the emergency phone rings, the person on the other end says, Karen I have no water in my apartment. I turn on my tap and don't know if I should laugh or cry. Instead we kick into high gear, the hubby had to work so he came downstairs and helped for a few hours, then he went to work. Tony and I headed downstairs, toques, mitts and jackets ready for a LONG day. J'naya and Brycen stayed upstairs and entertained themselves. The even showed up downstairs with sandwiches for Tony and I. It was a VERY long day, the media was all over this story, they were here interviewing people and asking all sorts of questions. Needless to say by the end of the day we were hooked up to a fire hydrant across the street and had cold water but no hot water. Then on Monday they were able to hook us up so we had water. However weds morning the water was off for a short little bit ( maybe and hour) and the panic was crazy.

Then on Thursday I woke up feeling like pooh, but I was okay t work through it. Then firday rolled around I'm telling you I have not been that sick in a very long time, a fever, the chills. I was cold all the time between Tony and I we had up words of 20 showers just to try to feel somewhat normal. Today is Sunday and he and I are both feeling better, not 100 % but better. Now jeff and J'naya aren't feeling well. At this point we are holding on for the ride.