Monday, November 30, 2009

the grind starts again

I have started the new job, I'm trying to be positive, yesterday I actually got to make fries!!! I swept the floors and cleaned the bathrooms, I just gotta hang in there, I really can do this, this is not my dream job.
I was asked recently what is my dream job??
What do you want to do??
Although I didn't really know the answer then, now that I have thought about it, it would be something with fabric, something where I can create things, where I look forward to the next time I go to work. With that said I feel a tremendous amount of guilt that I have not finished Molly and Lily's quilts both are ready to be quilted in fact Miss Molly's was half quilted when I realized that I had the backing on wrong, it was a stupid mistake made out of haste I really need to take more time, but time is not on my side. Now that I will be working again it really will not be on my side and truthfully there were a few weeks that I didn't feel like doing anything even when fabric was involved!! I will get Miss. Molly's quilt done this week. I will also be doing some things for the children for Christmas like the Christmas jammy's I bought brown snowflake fabric at the end of last winter for their jammy's and now I must get started!! I will also be doing some sewing for their rooms as part of their Christmas gifts, we do not know if the hubby will get paid before Christmas so it is time to get creative, I will post on my other blog about those projects so feel free to check them out at (Maybe if Terri reads this she can message me and let me know how to add links to my other post????)
I still am not so sure that I want to post pics of the kidlets on my blog, I feel like it's just to out there and I wouldn't want the kids to get hurt because of my blogging, so I took some cute pics of the kids, you see Friday was a day off for them but we had invited my parents for supper and the kids wanted to help. We were making mashed potatoes, shake n bake pork chops and honey dill baby carrots (which baby bear ate the most of) however we cannot find our vegetable peeler since the move so over to the dollar store for 4 potato peelers one for each kid, although big sister bear was at school. The kids were so proud and they did all the work, they peeled a whole pot of potatoes, big brother bear then chopped them for he (he's almost 10) then came the shaking part of the shake and bake, I'm still shocked that those pork chops stayed in those bags. We had the best shaked potatoes in the world!!! Over all it went really well with NO fighting that's right folks they DID NOT FIGHT!!!! It all tasted really good, of course I did the cooking but it went well and I hope that in the process they learned something although we won't mention that to loudly!!!

Friday, November 27, 2009

singing in the rain!!

I have been avoiding posting on my blog because I don't want this to be a entirely sad blog so since our lives have been in total turmoil I just haven't posted!!! Well I think its about time, yes things have been bad a quick review of the things in our lives that have been affected, we have moved away from the crazy landlady and spent a whole month "hiding" from her. We then found a home in Winnipeg which is really not what we wanted as we had to move the children from their school again!! God had different plans!!! the day before our official move to the city the transmission on the van went at the walmart in Selkirk, that night the hubby was picking me up at work and the truck caught fire, thankfully the damage was minimal (it was faulty starter) so there we are about to finish the move with no vechile. Thankfully we had people borrow us wheels until our truck was fixed, once the truck was fixed it was decided that we would sell the truck, well that week I was fired from my job, I was accused of stealing and according to that corporate head office I all but took the bathroom toilets (of course for those of you that actually know me you know that this is NOT TRUE!!!!) Anyhow I lost my job, so there I am in Selkirk no vechile, no cash and no way to get someone to come and get me. Long story short I was able to make a collect call and after a 7 km walk and about 2.5 hours I was found and taken home. A week and a half later my husband was also laid off, in his case it was a total case of favoritism (all the shop Foreman's friends stayed even the ones who are totall slackers and need to run hoe to make sure their girlfriends aren't cheating on them, and the ones that come in lat ALL the time) Anyhow, there were are just moved and both UN employed!!!

So enough about that we were able to sell our truck which brought in enough money to pay the rent for a few days, a dear friend payed our hydro bill for us and my Bible study group brought us a pile of food, and ALOT of LOVE!!! This time in my life has really taught me ALOT first my friends are the greatest, second we belong to a wonderful church and third GOD does ALWAYS supply. My Mom said something very important and it really has made me think If I'm on my knees then I can't stumble, so God has me on my knees to keep me from stumbling!!!

God is good!!

Even though we have no idea why all these "bad" things are happening God is there he is holding us up as we walk through this, I pray that whatever I'm holding on to that God wants me to give up he reveals it to me, and that I am open to him and the good things he has in store for us.

So we are singing in the rain, and hopefully singing so loud that the world hears us!!! For God truly is a Good God!! And I am blessed to be called his daughter!!

Monday, November 16, 2009


Yesterday I posted about how I feel, today I feel like I should aplogize for feeling that way, and yet it turely is how I feel. So I will not say sorry, instead I will say that although I do sturrgle to feel like I fet in I do have ALOT to be thankful for. Life has not been easy by any means in my world and most folks know this even though I'd rather hide then have to tell people. It gets to the point where I feel like people will say you have to be making this up, how many horriable things can happen to one family seroiusly, anyho there I go again off on the bad things when we really do have things to be thankful for, infact we are all safe, we are all for the most part healthy (if you don't factor in the kids diease and the stones big brother bear carries around hidden deep within his body) we are healthy right now. Infact we are together, so no matter what happens we are here. When you think about it we really have survived the worst, we have burried a child it really doesn't get any worse then that, so we make trips to the E.R. quite regularly at least they are here for those trips. So the kids drive me mad sometimes, at least I know what their voice sounds like, So the kids get up at the crack of dawn, at least I know what thier eyes look like. You see our baby was stllborn, we never saw his eyes, we never heard his voice. We mearly got a few hours with him, we bathed him, we dressed him and we told him we loved him, then we burried him. It really doesn't get worse, we have already faced the worst...........So bring on the rest we are ready!!!

Sunday, November 15, 2009


I don't know why, but i feel like I'm fighting this constant sadness, I wish I could be happy, I feel like it's always a battle. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere, You see I was always the girl in school that didn't speak English, didn't read well, just plain old didn't fit. With friends as I got older I didn't fit because I had a baby as a teen (this is also why I don't fit in the family I messed up) I Truely do feel like I'm forever trying to fit in everywhere. With friends now they all have small children mine are all grown. (even though I know they love me) I feel like I just don't fit. Same with my family I just feel like an outsider, I made mistakes that have put my in the spot I'm in, we went from being homeless, to being careless to me currently being jobless, how will we make ends meet?? I don't know but I need a job. We have invited people over only to have them not come and then find out they went elsewhere. Why am I o unimportant, How do I fix this?? Will I ever fit in?? I sure want to!!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

finally wheels

We have been without our own wheels since the 29th of october, let me tell you is has been hard, although we have had some borrowed to us you still have the what if theres an accident. What if it breaks down, which in one case it did but it was a problem they knew about (the fuel pump) and were waiting for it to finally quit. Then my Ex (big sister bears Dad) borrowed us his little car. That has been good cause it's cheap on fuel and it has conviced Daddy bear to sell his truck that's right folks we currently have a Ford F 250 super duty extedned cab diesel with 405 kms on it for sale. He wants to buy a small car and this was all his idea!!! Incase your wondering the problem with the truck wasn't a seroius as we first thought it was the starter (it was faulty) so everything has been repaired in fact it has a new starter, a new alternator, newer tires,and the water pump has been changed in the last little while!!! Hurray for smaller wheels!!!!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

another day another box to unpack!!!

So today is Saturday and we (or me) have unpacked a few more boxes and our bedroom is finally looking like our bedroom and lil sister bears room is finally looking like a little girls room!! now to try and get the rest of this place organized if only there were unpacking fairies. However my mother in law has been very helpful, and the fact that both of our vechiles broke down on the same day leaving us with now wheels or borrowed wheels means that we spend ALOT of time hanging around at home. In fact the tranie went in the van last Thursday and it is still sitting in The parking lot at the walmart in Selkirk, cause we are just not sure how we will fix it or how we will by a new van??? And since the truck caught fire the same Thursday night, it still sitting at the diesel shop in Selkirk as we wait to see what auto pac will fix, they did not cover the "cause" of the fire but that was easy since it was the starter and that was still under warranty as it had just been changed a week and a half ago!!!
Now to see if I can get hubby bear up off of the sofa so we can put the mirror on the dresser.....wish me luck!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

our last few months

I have put it off long enough now here's the blog about what happened our last few month, however it will be short form!!! Anyhow we made the decision to move from our home in Libau(a 2 bedroom trailer that we owned but were renting the lot, we were having some problems with the landlord upping the rent when ever he felt like it i.e: we were paying 250.00 then we paid $300.00 and then it was upped to $350. all in the course of 4 months. The last straw was a $50.00 late few for paying the rent on the first of the month.) anyhow we made the move and the old landlord was not happy he said we had to give 60 days notice and he expected us to pay for the month of September, instead we found someone to buy the trailer for $500.00 and she was to pay Septembers lot rental, all was well or so we thought.
We made the move and within two days of being there received a letter from our new landlord "warning" us not to allow the previous tenant to pick up their mail, she would pick it up and bring it to them (or rather their mother's house as they didn't want her to know where they were!!!) not only did we get this letter of warning so did the neighbor across the street.In fact that letter says private and confidential on the top, not to be shared with a third party!!! then showing up ALL the time started, the first unexpected visit was on Sept. 8 at 8:30 pm, to talk to Jeff about not putting up a fence. Then September 9 she showed up at which time I allowed her into the house she had brought us another copy of the rental agreement at 10:00am, then again at 11:00am to bring us a "house warming" gift of a fish??? September the 25 she called about the water bill, saying we hadn't changed the bill into our name yet, the hubby called the water company right after her call (she also called him at work) then she showed up that evening to bring more housewarmimg gifts for the kids (a huge bag of junk from value village) Then things started to go down hill fast!!! On Sept.23 at 1:00pm she left a note in the mailbox about coming to paint the trim on the shed and the bathroom window. We told her that that was fine but I would not be home the next day and did not want her to be in the house with out us present, when she arrived on the 24 at 1:00pm I was in fact home because little sister bear was "sick" an had to be picked up at school( in fact she wasn't sick but she had a substitute teacher and had a belly ache she doesn't like cahange) on September the 24 as I was leaving for work sh left a letter thanking us for allowing her to come and paint the shed and trim. she then goes on to say that they will come back and dig up the garden after the ripe tomato's are picked, she then goes on to say that we cannot build the wall in the basement for big sister bears room, and maybe we should find a bigger house or we can move our bays and big sister bear can have their room, then she says that she will give us 24 hours notice before she comes in to do a cleanliness and clutter inspection. The place cannot attar ct mice and rodents nor can it be a fire or health hazard (no kidding you think I have small kids) When she does the inspection she will also inspect "her" fridge and stove??? Then she jumps to the trees outside how they give off branches and leaves and maybe the children could pick these up!! I called her that night from work telling her that I would allow an inspection but would not allow her into the children's bedrooms as they are there rooms and I don't think she needs to go in there!!! our original agreement said that inspections would take place once every six months, now suddenly she wanted in all the time and we had only been there for 24 days at this point. at one point in this rambling letter she says "having three 3 kids in the basement, closed off, and perhaps with clutter is not healthy. ( yeah cause I put my kids in the basement and then pack boxes and things around them!!) at the end of the letter she says if you have nothing to hide then allow an inspection. the next day child and family services were at my door, someone called them and told them that my house was filthy, the children weren't being feed and they were dirty. I couldn't believe that someone called on me ( I don't claim to be the greatest mother in the world but I would do ANYTHING for my kids as would most of the moms I know) Anyhow they walked though the house and talked to my boys who were both home in fact one was eating breakfast when they came in. After that they left and closed the file!!! The next data Sept.26 guess who was at the door around noon that's right the landlady, I couldn't believe she had the gall to show up at my door after calling CF'S, So I go to the door and as I open the door the children run from the house crying, she is standing on the step smiling at me,
LL:she says that my hubby called her and told her we would be looking for a new place to live,
Me:to which I say well yeah you called CFS on me. She looks shocked for a minute then smiles
LL: well yeah I had to
Me: you had to why did you have to
LL: well your living in filth
Me: how do you know that you have never been in my home, come on in and do your inspection right now.
LL: no I'm not gonna do that of course it's clean you cleaned after they were here. you know you have a mental problem.
Me: Debra I don't have the problem your the one with the mental problem.
she looks at her mother who was standing on the deck and says
LL: did you hear what that fat lazy a** just said to me, then turns to me and says you need to get the f*** out of my house and this town right now, no one wants you here. then she storms off, around the front of the house as I close the door I think to myself the kids went out front I have to go to them, I get around the side of the house as she reaches the street, I see that the whole neighborhood is out on the sidewalk and has heard the exchange. the neighbors tell her to get into her car and get off the street or they will call the police. My kids had gone over to the neighbors house to get away from the landlady. That same day I receive 4 letters of warning,that I must not pu up bunk beds, that my rent must be paid on the first, that I must clean up the ripened tomato's in the garden or my rental agreement will be terminated. The best one is the letter of warning that 'You must note address me in a hostile manner, with your sad stories, and in a hostile manner with claims of harassment and slander. You must not try to provoke me in a loud voice as you have done in the past. You must not make an unfavorable report to nearby neighbors in a quest for their sympathies about me or my business as you have done in the past. you have until September 2009, to correct these behaviours." and on it goes, in the end CFS was called on us, the police were called on us twice and the final straw came when she peered into the bedroom windows at the children after they had been put to sleep. on Sept. 30 we made the decision to vacate the home (she peered into windows on Sept.29) we left it that night. After we moved we found out she had been around town claiming we had a grow op in our home, she also made a pile of crazy accusations about us to people she doesn't know that we know. She has shown up at the hubby's place of employment twice and has called his boss to ask questions about him, she has also called my place of employment claiming to be doing some private investigating??? Hopefully this crazy person is out of our lives forever, I feel sorry for the new tenants they have no idea what they are in for!! She apparently does this to all her tenants, in another home, I know that she went in and cleaned "her" fridge and stove while the tenants were gone away, she also went thought their drawers while she was in there. Not only that but she phoned hydro and pretended to be me in order to get my account info. This women is dangerous and I'm glad I'm no longer in her home.!!! Now that that's off my chest I will finish this post!!! :-)

Monday, November 2, 2009

I'm baaacccckkk!!!

I only have a few minutes for this post so a longer post will follow but needless to say I'm back after a very exicting/ scary few months!!!!