sadness....

I don't know why, but i feel like I'm fighting this constant sadness, I wish I could be happy, I feel like it's always a battle. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere, You see I was always the girl in school that didn't speak English, didn't read well, just plain old didn't fit. With friends as I got older I didn't fit because I had a baby as a teen (this is also why I don't fit in the family I messed up) I Truely do feel like I'm forever trying to fit in everywhere. With friends now they all have small children mine are all grown. (even though I know they love me) I feel like I just don't fit. Same with my family I just feel like an outsider, I made mistakes that have put my in the spot I'm in, we went from being homeless, to being careless to me currently being jobless, how will we make ends meet?? I don't know but I need a job. We have invited people over only to have them not come and then find out they went elsewhere. Why am I o unimportant, How do I fix this?? Will I ever fit in?? I sure want to!!