Monday, August 31, 2009


The move is almost done, we have almost moved everything,there are just a few last minute things to get, our kitchen table (because when we were there yesterday we didn't have the tools we needed, the compost box, the satelite dish, the potted tomato plants, lil sister bears flower pot, my beta who I wanted to bring yesterday and forgot!! Other then that we are pretty much done!!! Now I hope the landlady won't be to much trouble.......

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


So A lot of things have changed in the last little while:
We are moving.....
Which is a huge change.....
We are leaving our home of 10 years which we practically had to give away to get ride of......
Now my DH is talking about a job change......
This is scary...

I just want my own house, stable income, and healthy children.......
Is this really to much to ask?The middle two bears have kidneystones/ large calicum deposits in the kidneys, where do we go from here?
Now we wait, we hope, we pray.........
Will it ever end????

I just want to be happy!

Monday, August 24, 2009


I have been thinking for a few days about this post, I'd like to do a post about the memories we have made in this place that was our home for almost 10 years. However I donot want to post negative memories just positive ones.
- bringing home big brother bear, born jan.13 2000 after a week in N.I.C.U.
- big sister bears first day of school, me crying all the way up tyhe driveway after the bus left :-)
-trying to teach big sister bear to ride a two wheeler!
- countless birthday parties!
- chasing the kids in the yard.
- treasure hunts set up all through the yard for the children to find.
- watching the kids jump on the trapoline and laughing.
- building big sister bears bedroom and keeping it a surprise till her birthday.
-bringing home lil sister bear and baby bear.
- big brother bear and lil sister bears first day of school (I didn't cry for big brother bear but I did for lil sister bear, she was really scared)
- learning to sew/quilt.
-big brother bear demanding we take off the training wheels off of his bike so he could ride a twowheeler(he was 5) it took two tries with Daddies help and away he went.
- lil sister bear learning to ride a two wheeler at 4 she just got on and went.
Okay so there are so many, I think I'm gonna end here for now have a talk with the family and see what else we can come up with....stayed tuned more to come!!!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

sob stories

Apparently my life is all about sob stories and beinging able to one up people with my sob stories. Cause losing my son is just a sob story, no folks that actually happened my son was born not breathing I got to hold him for a few hours and then he was gone forever. I miss him!
My children having PH1 a sob story, I guess me sitting in the ultrsound department at childrens all afternoon on thursday a figment of my imagaintion, I guess seeing stones in my sons kidney. Not real. The appoinment where the doc sat us done and told us what was wrong I guess that didn't happen!!! LISTEN TO ME I WISH I DIDNT HAVE THESE STORIES.
I wish I could hug my angel baby and tell him how much I love him and miss him,

what I wouldn't give to sit up all night with him,

I wish I didn't have this story.

I wish PH1 didn't become a part of my life,

I wish I didn't have to take my children to childrens hospital every 6 months to check kidney function.

I wish I didn't have to always worry about the next bd thing to happen to my babies.

I wish I could have the diease instead of them.

I wish I didn't have to have an emergency reponse plan for the children at school.

I wish I didn't have to worry about them getting pain medication in the ambulance on the way to the hospital if the kidney stone attack happen when I'm not around.

I wish my biggest problem was a five month old who didn't sleep.

I wish these were sob stories intended to gave sympathy rather then real life.

Friday, August 21, 2009

if I could change things.....

If I could change things.....
I would do away with PH1
I would not have to worry about renal failure and kidney stones in my baby bears.
I would be able to have my whole family together all I once.
I would be able to tell you what Angel bears eyes looked like.
I would have healthy children
I would be happy!

if I could change things.....

If I could change things.....
I would do away with PH1
I would not have to worry about renal failure and kidney stones in my baby bears.
I would be able to have my whole family together all I once.
I would be able to tell you what Angel bears eyes looked like.
I would have healthy children
I would be happy!

Sunday, August 16, 2009


Then count down is on, the living room is a HUGE mess!! But alas I have a lot of stuff packed into boxes and orginzed!! The amount of stuff still needing to be packed is a little overwhelming but at some point it will get done!!

Friday, August 14, 2009


So I'm packing away!!! I mean really busy packing, then the phone rings it's the new landlord, she'd like to talk to the DH says she has some concern. What does this mean?? DH is not home so I'll have to wait to find out what's up!! We had better be getting this place otherwise we could be out on the street!!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

we're baaaaccccckkkk

We are back!!!
We are home from holidays, we had a great time it was nice to see daddy bears brother and hi girlfriend. But alas it back to real life, daddy bear went to work this am and I return to work tonight. The house is still a mess (the house fairies again over looked our house). So back to work and packing. I am actually really exicted about the move, there are some silly little things I can't wait for like weekly garbage pick up!! Sounds funny I know but for the last 10 years I have had to beg and plead so that daddy bear takes the trash to the dump!!
I wish I could just leave eveything here and start all over okay so I wouldn't leave everything, but the idea of going thorugh all the things we have collected over the last ten years really scares me!!!

Friday, August 7, 2009


I'm in calgary!! We drove straight through the night and finally arrived.I think all will sleep well tonight!!!

Thursday, August 6, 2009


Tonight after work we are leaving!!!! Going to Calgary till tuesday, I'm going to leave all my to leave all my troubles behind and head out and have fun!!!
The plan is to hopefully meet my brother, sister in law and precious nephew for "lunch" somewhere in calgary, as they are also out there for holidays but they are heading back towards home as we head out!!!
The move is happening,despite the stumbling blocks we will be moving!!! What we will do with our trailer I still don't know but whatever happens it will not be here,I'm not giving it back after paying almost $30,000 to him over the last ten years the last thing I owe him is the trailer!!! In all fairness there have been a few times that our rent was a few days late, and last summer our rent fell behind (durning the time the kids were being tested and whatnot we were going all the way to childrens sometimes 3 times a week, and money was really tight) but as soon as we could we got it all caught up and haven't been late for a long time, even though the rent keeps going up!!! So the last "late" notice for paying on the first was the last straw!!! We would really like to see something out of the trailer after all we paid almost 30,000 dollars and walking away with nothing sucks big time. I'd just like to atleast get enough to buy a new sofa????
Maybe I'll win the lottery!!!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


So the decsion has been made we are in fact moving, we have found a place in town that we will be moving to this however could just be a temporary,only time will tell!!
There however is a problem with the place we are in now. We have lived in this place since two weeks before big borther bear was born. We found this place in the journal and it was a rent to own which seemed like a good idea at the time because it seemed we could then pay for the trailer in hopes that we would then be able to seel it and hopefully that money would then give us money for a down payment!!! I wish I had known everything about the landlord that I know know!!!!
As it is every year our rent has increased infact our rent was payed on the first and we were told we had to pay a 50 late fee! In almsost 10 years he has been asked 1 time to come over and help us thaw the water pipes!!! Other then that we did everything for ourselves, we even bought a riding mower to cut the grass, we have payed people to come open the driveway for us. The first 2 years we had to walk with our children through the mud to the house because we didn't have a driveway. We finally bugged him enough and got a load of gravel but we had to straigthen it, at our cost,no cost to the landowner, not only that but all the flower beds, the sidewalk, all of this was put in at our cost!!! Now the landowner has deicded that the trailer is to be moved our we have to contniue paying the rent, also that we have to give him 60 days notice we have given him 30 days. We as of right now do not have a contract because he didn't want to sign one?? So what do we do with this trailer??? Turns out we won't get the money for the down payment as we first thought infact it may cost us even more then we first thought!!b

Sunday, August 2, 2009

only 1 child today!!

So this weekend is big sister bears weekend at he Dad's.The other 2 bears stayed with grandma and grandpa bear. That leaves me with only baby bear, so last night we brought our bankets and pillows to the living room and had a "sleepover" on the floor, this morning we got up and headed into winiipeg. We went to the forks had mini donuts,icecream and walked around in the forks. Baby bears checked out kite and kaboodle. All in all we had a great time just the three of us!!! It hasn't happen often that a child gets one on one time with both parents at once. Wondering if I'll be able to arrange that for the other kids????