Saturday, September 3, 2011


As it sometimes happens today I am missing my Mackenzie, I don't know what brings it up, but today is one of those days. I just wish I could hold him, I wish I could see him breath, I wish I could see those eyes. I wish he could know his siblings. I wish I could stop the hurt. Now please don't get me wrong, I don't wish him back to earth, really he has the best life. He is in heaven with his maker, I can only imagine how wonderful his life has been there. I just wish for 1 hour, just 1 hour just for him to hear my voice, to see his eyes.

It seems not only has this sweet boy been on my mind he has also been on his siblings minds, J'naya this past week asked if we could please go visit her brother, I asked what she meant and she said I wanna go see Mackenzie please Mom. So today we went to see him. They did not know where we were headed, but as soon as we turned off the highway ( the cemetery is on a dirt road, off one of the main highways near here.) onto the dirt road, Brycen yelled we're gonna go see Mackenzie. Once there Brycen announced that we are to buy Mackenzie a head stone that stands up ( we only have a flat grave marker.) We then had to explain that the section where Mackenzie sleeps is only for flat markers we are not allowed to have an upright marker. He seemed okay buy this but they all want to bring him gifts so maybe I need to take them shopping to let them pick something to share with their brother. I started this post a while back and didn't post it, because i don't like being judged for still feeling this way but then when J started asking about him I decided to go ahead and post it.

As we were driving down the road to see our sweet son, it dawned on me that I never rode in a car with this baby outside my body, the only "car" rides this sweet boy ever had were both done by the funeral home. I should have rode in the car with him. He did not go to the grave site in a hearse , he was so small he was in the back seat of a car.

I love you sweet baby and we all miss you <3