Dear Ashton

Dear Ashton,
Life has not always been easy for you and I , but through it all you and I were together. I wouldn't change any of it cause I love you. I know that this last year has been VERY hard for both of us, alot of what we have been through is cause of some of the choices we have made. It doesn't matter though cause I love you. Some of it is because of outside influence. Again it doesn't matter cause I love you. There have been things said and done by both of us that have hurt our relationship, and we can't seem to find our way back. It doesn't matter because I love you. I want to have a good relationship with you cause I love you. I want to be able to pick up the phone and chat with you, but I can't cause your angry and won't talk to me. But I still love you. The last time we talked you said VERY hurtful things to me. But I still love you. I want you to be able to come over and follow the rules, not not speak disrespecting everyone. Cause I love you. I want you to be successful in all you do. Cause I love you. I want you to know that I am here for you when you decide that I'm worth it, cause I love you. Mostly I want you to know that no matter what I will be here for you when you graduate, when you Marry, when you have kids, when you sick, whenever you need me, even if you don't want me to because I love you. I also want you to know that I am not proud of some of the things you have said and done..........but I am proud of you, but most of all I want you to know that.......

I LOVE YOU!!

and there we have it

So the kids had their appointments at children's clinic today, it was better news. J'naya's numbers went way done from over 2000 to 900 ( still almost double what they want ot at they'd like it at about 550) Tony's numbers didn't really change still just over 900. Plan of action?? Eye appointments.......EKG's ( to see if the oxalate is doing any damage)....... ultrasounds (to see if there are kidney stones forming). so all in all the Dr. does`t think we`ll be able to get the levels back to `normal`so we may just have to live with what we got! She did suggeste i go on the mayo clinic website to `talk` to parents who also deal with PH1 , she also wants me to see if there is anyway we can all go to the `gathering`of the Ph 1 patients that happens every year however the last one was last summer and in new york (yup can`t afford that) so we will see! Now a BIG problem is finding a pharmacy that will make the K-citra for me so far no luck if I can't find one then I'll have to call the doctor and get another new me.

In other news.......the kids brought home report cards this week Good news all around.....Nothing below a 3 (back in the day that would be a C) and we brought home a pile of 1 ( that would be A's) so they all did well. Well the three that still live at home did the one that lives with her Dad did not show me her report card....I'm not allowed to see it....Daddy says so...I'm also not allowed to punish her.....again Daddy says so. I wonder if Daddy forgets that I carried that child in my body for 9 months, I did EVERYTHING for her for 14 years and now I am nothing.....Anyhow I guess you can see how that is going basically she is being "brain washed" by Mr. Wonderful. I'm still not sure how to handle all that.....All I want is my Ashton back....I miss her ALOT!!

betrayal

why is it that just when things seem to be going well, someone has to turn things around and cause trouble?? In this case it is someone who used to be a friend. It hurts because she seems to think it's okay to involve my daughter in EVERYTHING. The first thing she does is run to Ashton and say did you know your mom said this?? what does it concern Ashton?? I want her to stay away from my daughter she says I'm a bad Mom because I don't want my daughter to be around drugs. I wish people would take a look at their own lives before making comments about other people. Take a look at your own kids before you judge!! You do not know everything they are doing you just don't!!!

Things have been going well until today when this said "friend" again involved my daughter in something that has nothing to do with her. I want this person to stay away from Ashton, she really doesn't know whats going on and she thinks she knows best. she doesn't. So just stay away from her. instead she has decided to be "friends" with Ashton's Dad ( she knows everything that happened between Ashton's dad and myself) This to me is the ultimate betrayal. Not to mention the whole thing with her husband when he called me names and I had to apologize but some how he never has!!!

It just isn't fair things were going along nicely!!

I just want her to stay out of my business with my daughter!!!

she did it!!!

Ashton finished Jr. High. Yesterday was grade 9 grad. As we sat in the gym for her Grad I was sad. Sad that not only is another chapter done and gone. But that the last year has been so hard for her. She left all her friends in her old school moved to a new city and started all over again. It has been anything but easy for her. I'm so sorry that it was this hard and I wish it wasn't. Regardless she's done, things will only get better now!!!

Tomorrow is 12 years, 12 years since our world changed so much. It's amazing that someone so small, who never made a sound changed everything that is!!!