living with depression

To whom it may concern,
I live with depression, allow me to give you some insights on what it is like for me on a daily basis. Getting out of bed is a chore, why because I don't sleep, some nights i sit up all night long, most time because someone said something carelessly unlike most people who can brush it off, I can't once all is quiet in the house that carelessly comment plays over and over and over again in my head. I don't need you to tell me I'm fat, ugly and stupid I'm VERY aware of that fact. I don't need you to tell me it's all my fault I know that already. Even if it's not my fault I think it is and you saying it again, and again is NOT helping You don't need to tell me to see a doctor, I see one one a regular basis, I'm under a doctors care, I have seen a phychatrist I take medicine for my depression. Don't tell me to see a doctor that's the just your way of not taking responsibility for what you have said.
if you say something and it pushes the depressed person over the edge you should feel guilty, it is partially your fault, You need to be careful what you say. There are things you shouldn't say to people. You just don't know how that person is feeling.

I have at points wanted to take my own life, not because i want to but because it hurts so much that ending it all is the only thing that can make it better.
I don't want to feel sad, I don't want to feel like my life is not worth living, I want to be here for my kids, grand kids, siblings. I want to be happy, the sad fact is that most times I don't feel happy. I'm sad 80% of the time. By you adding your two cents and never knowing the real story your are not helping.

I have made some VERY major decisions and I can't handle all this sadness and never knowing the next time there will be an attack, some people just can't be "good" friends and that means I need to distance myself.

Because of all that has happened in the last few years and the dumb things people have said I don't have any close friends, I don't maintain friends, 'm scared everyone will treat me the way some people have been allowed to treat. If I had it my way i would stay in my Jammie's, and i would NEVER leave my apartment. I would never talk to people. I don't want it to be this way. I want to have friends and I want to be happy. Most of all I want people to lay off and leave me alone.

I can't get the hyper link to work so I'm gonna post some links to websites so you all can do research and see that I'm not making this up. This is how people with depression feel....

http://depression.about.com/cs/diagnosis/l/bldepscreenquiz.htm

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm

http://www.depressionhurts.ca/en/

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_women.htm