waves of change

It has been a very hard road for me lately. When I buried my son I honestly thought I would NEVER do anything as hard as that. What I didn't know is I was wrong, so very wrong. We have been having some very serious trouble with our oldest daughter. It has gotten really bad, we never know what is really happening in her world. We have to check everything she says and does, we never know if shes been drinking, or if she is doing drugs. She disappears on us every chance she gets, the last time she was gone she was running for 2.5 weeks. It ended with alot of money and things stolen, child and family services checking on my husband and I on claims of abuse. Each child was interviewed to make sure they were okay and my daughter laying in her bed unable to talk, move, after a whole weekend of one parent or another sitting with her day and night. She was moved to another area of the hospital, from there she was released to her Dad. It was a rough weekend sitting in that tiny chair, trying to sleep barley eating and always having an upset tummy. Tums were my best friends. The hard part is keeping this child safe. I'm at the end of my ropes with her and just wish things could turn around.....

I talked to a friend of hers grandma and she said it so well, I'm just so tried of crying, of not sleeping and wondering if my child is safe, or if the next call will be the police telling me they found her dead.

My heart aches for my sweet daughter the one who used to laugh and make us all laugh with her. The only I could fully trust in any situation. The one who everyone wanted to be around. That sweet, sweet baby I first held in my arms and whispered love to. That sweet toddler who was into everything. That precious girl who was slowly turning into a wonderful young lady. I ache to keep her safe, I ache to take her place in the mistakes I see her making, and save her from the hurt she will eventually feel. Most of all I ache to hug this child and tell her how much I love her no matter what, and that I would willingly give up my life to save hers.

If you read this and you believe in the power of prayer please say an extra one for my Ashton, I just want her to make it through this whole....