Sunday, June 19, 2011
so today is fathers day.....what a shitty day. Last night I did not sleep like at all 7 am rolled around and I was still awake. So I did have a small snooze and went to a family gathering. Of which my oldest daughter did not attend. She hates me. All those years of Jeff getting USP driving Ashton to school at 4 am, cleaning up her puke when she was sick, etc,etc. Jeff did all the things Ferd would not. Jeff stood up and took Ferd's place when Ferd couldn't me man enough. Only to have Ashton turn around and demand his insurance number, not even a happy fathers day. Then I call to say sorry for somethings I said a few weeks ago and I get blasted. Where is my daughter where is that wonderful caring girl I raised? When do I get her back. Instead of this person who is totally brain washed by someone who really most her life didn't give a rip. If he really had cared then he would not have spent her childhood taking her to car shows and hanging with dope heads. He would have done kid things. But alas none of that matters because I'm an F***ing B***** who does not deserve to have children.
It all makes me so sad. One day It will be to much and I will give in and find a bridge and be done with this hell I call life. Maybe then someone will love me. i just don''t know what else to do to make this hurt all stop and I'm about done trying.