Wednesday, September 3, 2008

the rest of Mackenzie's story

okay so we were on the way to the hospital.....

Once we arrived at the hospital around 7:00 pm we were put in a small labour room ( the ones where they just pull the curtins between the beds) anyhow we were told they would monitor baby for 20 minutes and only one person was allowed to stay with me so my husband stayed and my Mom went to the waiting room. Once all was settled the nurse took out the paddle for the monitor, plugged it in and put it on my belly, silence she looked at us and said that they had been having problems with this monitor so she'd be right back with different paddles. When she came back I saw something was wrong in her hurry she tried to plug in the paddles upside down, when they were finally right still silence, she put down the paddles and said let me try with the hand held dopler, still nothing. At that point she said she would call the doctor to do and ultrasound, I looked at her and said I want my mom and started to cry, she came back with my Mom, I don't remeber if I told her what was going on or if the nurse already had. I just remember my husband holding my hand and my mom crying with me. When the doc came in her hooked up the ultrasound, I could see a heartbeat of some sort on the screen and felt him put his hand on my wrist at that point I knew it was my heartbeat not the babies.

He turned and faced us all and said "I'm sorry there is no heartbeat." At that point we were rushed out of the room we were in. As I left I remeber hearing another babies heartbeat coming from one of the other rooms.

We were then taken to a room by ourselves, my nurse could not handle what was happening and she was soon replaced with another one, she was suach a dear sweet lady she would've brought me the moon had I asked.

I have no idea how everyone found out what was happening, but soon my Dad was there, and my brother in law ( whose baby had been born just 4 days earlier) his baby, his girlfriend,my best friend, and a bunch of family from the hubby's side were there. The one person I wish we had thought to call was my brother, he never got to hold his nephew, the only time he saw him was at the funreal home.

I was given the option I could either allow labour to happen or be induced to speed it up, I choose to be induced, the drugs were started at 10:00pm I laboured and finally asked for an epideral. The epideral was put it and we were borught a cot so everyone could sleep, still in our private room with a picture of a rose on the door so everyone was aware that the baby had passed.

I of course thought it was a mistake and the baby waould be fine. Anyhow I got my epideral at 2:40 am and the nurse came back at about 2:50 to say she was going on a break and inrtoduce the nurse that would be taking over for her. I then told her I was feeling alot ofpressure, so she quickly checked me and said that I was fuuly dilated, could she plaes go to the bathroom then she would be back and I could deliver, she really wanted to be there.

A few minutes later she came back with the doctor and they sent my brother in law to the waiting room, They told me there proablly wouldn't be a dry eye in the room once the baby was born (we still did not know if he was a boy or a girl)After I was all set up and ready to push my husband looked at me and said I can't do this. They sent him to the waiting room and allowed me to push. It did not take long and his head was born I remeber watching and as soon as the doctor turned his sweet face up at me I knew. I looked at my mom and said oh mom he's to blue. The doctor took the cord off from around his neck (Mom says it was wrapped tightly around his neck twice the doc had to cut it) and I delvered the rest of him. They took him and cleaned him and wrapped him. My Mom went to get the hubby, then they passed me my sweet baby, alot of what happened next is ablur, I did not have my baby for very long, I held him and batthed him and dressed him. I just remeber holding him. Looking at him. Kissing him. I remeber feeling him start to get cold and saying mom he's getting cold, I remeber his mouth fell open and we all held our breaths thinking maybe it's a mistake I even put my finger under his nose there was no breath. I remeber my mom telling the nurse to come take him, i put him up to my check just one more time. When I sit and think about it I can still feel his sweet face on my cheek.

The next time I saw him was at the funreal home I never held him again. I'd do just about anything to see his eyes ( I never got to see them), To tell him how much I love him (I don't know if I ever did) To hold him just one more time.

It's been ten years since my sweet angel was born and it still hurts like yesr=terday sometimes!!!!

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